Tell me, Hold me, Hear me, Show me

“You must be having marital problems.”
“How did you know?”
“Well, you are married, and when you are married, those are the types of problems married folks have.”

– Jones (not Mr. Jones. from the Noticer)

I am no expert on marriage, but I know that I know a lot more about marriage than before I was married! And I also know that we live in a throw away microwave society that wants everything now, and for the most part believe that love is a feeling and when the feeling is gone, the marriage must have gone bad. So many start over with some new feelings and they think it must be who they got married to, instead of understanding the truth about marriage.

Bottom line, love is a choice, not a feeling. Figure that out, learn a new language, and you will have the feelings follow right choices.

And we show and understand love often in the same “language” that we feel loved.

A great marriage tip that is not original with me is understanding women and men speak different languages. I have heard that men speak blue and women speak pink, and I have heard that women and men both speak different dialects. I also have heard that people in marriages will often speak different love languages.

I do think I can summarize a lot of what I read into 2 goals and 4 categories that a husband and wife must learn for their dialect to be understood.

Goal of the wife – to feel loved.

Goal of the husband — to feel respected.

4 different “dialects” that the husband or wife speak to “believe” the other one loves or respects them are:

Words of affirmation == TELL ME.

Physical Touch ==== HOLD ME.

Quality Time ==== HEAR ME.

Acts of service/gifts ==== SHOW ME.

And men, realize we are the alternator. In a car, the alternator recharges the car’s battery to keep the car running. Find out your wife’s love language, and keep recharging and recharging and recharging, and your marriage will one day reach it’s destination!

Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it. — Ephesians 5:2

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