Looking for prayer to start with —
I have two things that are crucial to clear up in what seems like dead end after dead end as I try to find a pharmacist position so we don’t lose our home.
1) is that I don’t grasp God loves me and I believe that when things are hard He is against me. I don’t know how to change that. You can tell me til you are blue in the face that God loves me but I need God to speak to the depths of my soul. I need to hear right from God who I am and what I am to do.
When I pray for a job and get a thought to see the Tops Supermarket Pharmacy today when I got a few groceries even though I was depressed and didn’t feel like talking to anyone- And then they tell me they just filled 3 positions. (FYI there is a shortage so each place will get 100’s of applications) I don’t know how to handle that. I want to give up. And then I get a rejection email from another pharmacy a few hours later. And then I get texts from people about another job out there- yes I know there are jobs but if you aren’t a new grad with a shiny doctorate and a residency too they don’t want you.
2) I don’t know how to handle having an amazing gift of writing and passion to write as well and yet we are essentially broke and I can’t support my family with them. I don’t know how to handle seeing my wife and I help people for years and years and give our talents and money and possessions away and instead of people rallying to help you now that you are in need they instead say, “hope you learned your lessons! This is why you don’t help anyone! And we won’t help you either so you learn it loud and clear. Enjoy your tent!”
If I could make money to keep our house and pay for ministry and help addicts and keep helping people by using my talents I would not feel so rejected either by God or this world. I wrote a 1,000 Word blog post in 30 minutes today and I don’t know what to do with it.
I have ideas and dreams and I will put them all aside to be a pharmacist and support my family but Pharmacy doesn’t want me either.
Help me make sense why when you and your wife have given everything – you still are expected to lose everything .