I have seen God use me to help all kinds of men with sexual addictions and sexual identity struggles on various online forums and men’s groups. Porn addiction by itself can cause all kinds of confusion to begin with as it can lead to desiring the forbidden – which can never be satisfied. When you add other things on top of it – trauma by either sex, rejection or neglect from either parent, feeling “other” in terms of your own gender, sexual abuse from either sex, and more – this whole gauntlet can cause the developing adolescent to have all kinds of sexual brokenness and more.
These and others can hijack our normal sexual desires that God designed to be between a man and woman. Sexual union releases powerful chemicals that create bonding between husband and wife and each partner’s brain associating their spouse for pleasure and fulfillment. Done right this produces a marriage that is blended together, woven together, weaved together. Melted together.
But in this fallen world, other things tend to get bonded first before the marriage bed begins. Even sex between that couple before marriage can complicate the bonding after marriage and create more a thirst for the forbidden. Any sexual activity that is not between a committed husband and wife AFTER marriage is LUST based. You cannot satisfy LUST and you cannot justify it. That is why there is no such thing as a GAY christian, just like there is no such thing as an adulterating Christian or a pornographing Christian. They are walking in LUST and not able to be full of the spirit of God.
Best I can say again is this– the idea of being “gay” and “christian” and having both going on at the same time is not possible.
You can be deceived, you can be back-slid and be double minded, but if you identify as “gay” then that is your identity and the bible says, “such were some of you.”
You either fulfill the lusts of the flesh or walk in the spirit. It’s that simple, it’s that black and white. The deep emotions that have caused such caving in from the mainstream culture, and the intense shame that forbidden lifestyles create, coupled with really a lack of understanding and compassion from the church today makes this seem like a hateful statement.
It’s not hateful because there is a way out, and it’s not this big mystery. It’s not this third gender or complicated relationship or this lifestyle that just needs to be accepted and everyone will be happy. There is no acceptance of this because this is really about man rejecting the natural use of the opposite sex from within himself because his brain has been tricked, and he really is at odds with himself and the unnatural direction he is going. It’s like a boy that gets raised by wolves — he may identify with the wolves and feel comfort because that is all he knows, but when he seems humanity for the first time, he will crave it and recognize something familiar about this even if he doesn’t understand it. The “feelings” for porn or same sex desires or anything and everything today under the sun may seem to be all they know, but when they know that they are really just experiencing a false reality THAT FEELS 100% absolutely REAL because of previous experiences or previous pains, healing can begin. Many do not want that bubble burst, because there is comfort in the familiar. There is comfort to stay with the pack of wolves, but the reality is at some point, the pack is likely to turn on them and eat them when they have worn out their welcome. Any sexual sin will destroy you eventually because it can never be satisfied – anything lust based will eventually define who you are and control who you become and become the most important part of your identity because it will eventually become your full identity and who you are. You won’t be able to see yourself without your activity. “I am gay” will define you because you can’t imagine that being taken out of you, just like a drunkard can’t imagine life without a bottle in his hand. The drunk and the bottle are “one flesh.”
If you understand how Jesus made our brains, Romans 12:1-2 talks about the renewing of your mind.
Romans 12:1-2 says: I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
When your identity is in CHRIST, that becomes your identity and then the actions will flow out of your identity instead of your behavior defining your identity. Romans 12:1-2 is modern brain science for ANY addiction. And homosexuality in it’s simplicity is just an addiction.
Usually we bounce between both walking in the spirit for stretches and falling back into periods when we walk in the flesh, but ultimately if we are saved, the saved part of us overcomes. We are miserable walking in the flesh, and we cry out eventually for JESUS to pull me out.
I sang this song that God gave me at various times in my life – JESUS, you saved me, you love and forgave me. You washed my sins, all away. You gave me a brand new heart, set me upon the rock, pulled me from the miry clay.
Here is the big issue with homosexuality and what I think is a big key to the recovery part of this — when Adam saw Eve, he recognized something was missing. He saw her as a Help Meet and that wasn’t something he saw in looking at the monkeys, or birds, or tigers or dogs. Say there was another man (Steve) in the garden too, there, and Adam wouldn’t have seen a complement to him because Adam wouldn’t have seen a need for completion. Adam may have wanted a connection to a male in a godly way because he was complete man on his own. The more broken we can be as men, the more that masculinity may seem like trying to catch the wind or hold water in your hands. Being gay in a lot of ways is having brokenness and incompleteness that ONLY JESUS can fulfill.
Friend, YOU CANNOT find that in another man. To think you can is deception.
And likewise, a female cannot find completion in another female. And you can’t find completeness in a bottle of pills or booze or anything else. And the reality is a husband can’t even find full completeness in his spouse because of the fall, and vice versa. Part of the curse is we cannot find any real wholeness apart from being full of JESUS CHRIST, and we minister to others out of the overflow.
Someone in sexual sin can say they have given over to the flesh but that doesn’t let us attach the word Christian to it. I can’t be a Christian Adulterer or a Christian pornographer or a Christian thief or a Christian Murderer. And I can’t be a Christian GAY. I CANNOT BE A GAY CHRISTIAN. And neither can you.
You can struggle with any of those behaviors — but if YOU are truly saved, you don’t live there. SIN is miserable for the SAVED. If you can enjoy sin and enjoy a sinful lifestyle and God doesn’t chasten you, it’s because you don’t YET belong to him.
If you are saved, you won’t be able to enjoy giving over to that lifestyle. You will feel something missing when you stray away from God.
So this really is your eternity that is at stake if you are trying to hang onto both, being in the flesh and being in the spirit and thinking they can get along together. You can literally deceive yourself to think God is perfectly fine with a full lifestyle deep in sin and living a life totally surrendered to that way. If that is your lifestyle, and that is where you want to live, the bible says that means you don’t belong to Him. In Matthew 7 Jesus warns he will say to those who thought they could have both their own way and pray a flimsy prayer, Depart from me, I never knew you.
Jesus is loving, but He can’t go back on his warnings. He says over and over DO NOT BE DECEIVED. HE says God is not mocked.
To me when I see someone struggling in recovery and yet they keep running to Jesus and fight their flesh and they even see victory over the flesh for a time and then falls on their faces at other times, I believe that person won’t give up the process and may be ashamed they keep falling at times, but if they had enough time they would figure out what works for full recovery. They would also understand that this side of eternity, God will just keep working on us.
But for someone to BRAG he doesn’t have to do that, that he doesn’t have to fight off the flesh and can just go with the ocean current and not swim against the natural cravings of a never satisfied flesh – one who boasts he’s figured it all out, he PROUDLY announces He found the solution – “I will just be a GAY CHRISTIAN”, well that Mocks God and mocks our recovery.
And that flies in the face of everything God says about salvation and recovery.
The sad part is I have read posts from a few of these guys who come to that conclusion in the recovery process. And soon after they are never heard from again.
Please, for your sake, whoever is on the fence with the sins knocking at their door, please WAKE up.