This may relate to what others face in recovery from any sinful addiction or lifestyle or habit or hang up, and perhaps others can share if they have answers to my issues.
I haven’t figured it all out by the way.
I haven’t found a good balance of being Holy/and sin-LESS (not sinless)– and keep a good attitude.
What God showed me is we tend to struggle on one of two sides of the Prodigal son story…..and saved or lost we seem to fall on either ditch….look at the many self-righteous religious. Look at the addicted down-and-outs.
We either will lean toward BAD ACTIONS……or BAD Attitudes.
It almost seems harder to repent of bad attitudes. Bad actions convict us….we would be staying in the hog pin if we could find a way to escape the consequences or get a way with it in general. So we mostly don’t like the consequences and when God is real in our lives, we can see sin for the dirty water it really is and we can easily take a drink of the pure water.
But when we start letting bad attitudes creep in, it is harder to see the living water, and when our hearts get harder it is easier to say,”I don’t care” and jump or DIVE right back into our sin….and the cycle repeats and the noose gets tighter.
Am i making sense? I have heard some call this a binge/purge cycle or a self-righteous cycle…as I start getting my heart clean, I start to want everyone around me dumping their sin too and I get lifted up in pride (Lord, forgive them. It’s been 12 days since I last sinned. Help them become as Godly as I am)….then i get frustrated at the rejections and weary in the battle, and the devil comes and whispers how God is unfair and things are never going to change…and then sin seems to come alive again….and my desires seem to change again…and I dive back in but then I see that I can’t control it either so I try and run back to God but I face now consequences and loss of serving opportunities so it is more painful and less exciting now to serve Him and the temptations knock louder and louder and seem more real and the pressure is on to just give in and go hog wild, out in the pig country.
Do I have a solution?
This phase seems to pass….but I am discouraged a bit that I can’t seem to not jump into the bad attitude phase if I keep going the clean path.
All I want is to be clean and walking in the spirit and have God remove wicked desires so I don’t fall for the lies and have God become real again and see God’s hand….
I feel right now God is saying, “OK, have it your way. I ‘m done.”
But that is really the devil whispering to give up. He says there’s no hope. You messed up for the last time. God is done with you.
So instead, maybe it is waiting on God…..waiting for his truth to take over your heart and mind.
Reminding you of who you are. Are you saved? Born again? Was JESUS REAL ONCE?
Try reading and praying Psalm 51 until it becomes real and reality….
Know that for a short time, maybe a week, maybe a couple weeks, the desires of our hearts are wrong and bent toward selfishness and we just may need to wait it out for God to take over again.
And be amazed that eventually, we will be more conscious of his presence….
until then it’s by faith….all i can see when I am selfish is my sin and the knocking of my flesh….
it’s a lie. it’s a lie. it’s a lie.
the truth will set me free!
JESUS is the TRUTH.
JESUS I NEED YOU!!!!!
Is there anyone out there struggling? Is there anyone out there about to give up?
Hello, anyone?
GOD WE NEED YOU!!!!! HELP US ALL LORD!!! Grant us repentance.
The spirit is willing but our flesh is so weak….
HELP LORD!!! HELP US BE DESPERATE FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!
Trust and obey for there is no other way to be happy in Jesus than to trust and obey!